Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
