The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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