goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
