Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
