Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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