Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
