i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
