I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
