even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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