Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
