distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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