Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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