u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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