i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
did you just send me my own nude
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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