Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
