The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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