Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
