I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
