i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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