Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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