Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
