I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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