Will you blow on my dice?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
