In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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