Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Two words: nipple clamps
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