I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
