Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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