Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
