Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
