I am puke
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
