after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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