She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
