How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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