There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize