she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
