hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
