ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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