Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
