That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
