He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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