It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
