matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
