i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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