so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize