apparently the secret to your success is patron
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
