How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
