I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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