I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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