please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize