Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
