I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
