Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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