he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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