Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
