Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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