Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize