the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
