i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
