You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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