everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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