I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
