I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
