1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
