I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
