oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
