ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
