Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
did i walk over a car last night?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
