So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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