It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
