just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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