So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
