chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
