The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
