Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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