It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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