i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
