did you get engaged???
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
