Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Watching her eat just hurts me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
there is glitter all over my balls
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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