You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
