Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
