We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
