She is in my trunk
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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