I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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