just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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