what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
