very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize