Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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