JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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