dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
