Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
