is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
