I look better un-naked...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
