Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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