Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
