When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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