dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
