I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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