Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
