: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
