Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize