just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
