After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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