Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
