just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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