you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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