One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
