Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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