Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
