If i come over, it means nothing
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
