I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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