I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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