she woke up with a sticky ear
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
